A place for me to voice how I feel

Posts tagged ‘daily life’

Soccer

Today has been a great day weather wise. Today was also Patrick’s indoor soccer tournament. He plays in a team called ‘The Misfits’, a group of his big sister’s Kim’s friends, mainly lesbians. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to play at first, but since he has been playing, only 1 win and definitely losing today, 4 games, Patrick has learned a lot. He has learned commitment, team playing, responsibility and a lot about himself and his limitations and strengths. He has learned that when he is angry, he can save it up and channel it into playing soccer.

Today, I went to see him play his last game of the day. It was a good game, score of 11 to 4, The Misfits being 4.

The games were only 12 minutes per half, with a 6 minute break. It is a very fast moving game. Now that he is home, he is making a lot of noise taking the tape off his toes. He had them strapped up because he keeps hurting his toes. He may even have a break or fracture, but we may never know unless he doesn’t play for a week to allow the swelling to go down so as to get a clear x-ray of it. He won’t let me touch it or even look at it.

Well, that is all I have to say about the soccer, apart from the catching up with Amy’s dad and grand father. I have not seen the grandfather for 15 years and haven’t seen her dad for about 10 years. He had news of Patrick’s father, being quite ill with emphysema. I have wanted to take Pat to see his dad for a couple of years now, so now I feel an urgency for him. I am hoping Pat will keep contact with his dad so that he does get a chance to get to know him a little, before he dies and he has heavy feelings of regret.

The opportunities are all there for Pat to keep contact with his dad, but his dad is just as bad in keeping in contact, even worse, seeing as he is the adult. He has never accepted that Pat has autism and adhd…and he never tried to help Patrick in area’s he needed help. It is a sad situation, I feel for Mick, his dad, now that he is so sick, but all in all, I had to put Patrick’s safety and mental stability and life routine at the top of the caring for Patrick list.

Patrick did keep a little contact with his father up until a couple of years ago. Mick has never been good at keeping contact, so I would prompt Pat to text his dad and ask him to ring him, as the court orders stated. Pat still cannot understand why his dad wouldn’t just ring him when he felt like talking to him, and I guess its just one of those things that he will never learn. It was a long process of a couple of weeks prompting conversations leading onto the subject of his dad, guiding his thoughts in the direction of contacting his dad, and having a chat with him.

Pat also doesn’t really understand that the condition his dad has makes it difficult for him to talk. When Mick has in the past rang Pat, he has broken down and cried and the conversation was just ended because Pat couldn’t understand what his dad was saying, and that’s a no-no in Pats book. It also upset Pat that his father just blubbered instead of having something decent to say.

I can understand Mick’s blubbering, knowing him, but it is so hard to help Patrick to understand that he feels emotional because he did throw a life with his only son away, because of a stupid whim. I know he is so sorry for making it difficult for us to stay together as a family, he will have a lot of regrets and I am glad he knows it, before he does die. I don’t want him to be suffering the way he is, of course, but with some people it takes something very drastic, like this, for them to realize the mistakes they have made. So now he knows his mistake with Patrick, he is unable to do anything much about it because of his drastic health situation.

So, I will continue to save money the best I can on my very limited income, find some cheap as chips airfares and try to get Patrick up to Queensland to see his dad before he passes. I have been trying to do that for a couple of years now. Patrick will not go up there on his own, and he shouldn’t have to. I wouldn’t allow him to go on his own. Pat is not confident enough to do a trip that long. He has traveled on the train to Melbourne from Bendigo, and returned, but he had someone leave him and see him off at the station in Bendigo, then he was met in Melbourne, so he didn’t have to travel on suburban trains alone. The return trip was the same, accompanied at all times except on the Melbourne to Bendigo trip. He kept himself busy with his music and games. He only started catching the train to Melbourne to stay with his sister once he had started growing and was confident enough that he was big enough to defend himself if someone picked on him on the train.

All in all, he has grown up to be a strong, tall lad, with charm and wit and ability to defend himself, although he has not had this tried out…hopefully he doesn’t have to.

Where traveling to Queensland is concerned, it is a long long way, he is not confident flying and he does not travel well on buses. Traveling on a trip consisting of 3 states, several stations, changing trains, buses, etc would be too much for Pat to deal with, without stressing about getting the wrong train or bus, his anxiety would have him bashed and dead before the first leg of the trip was half over. The biggest insecurity he has about going to see his dad is that he refuses to go wherever his dad’s wife is. She is a nasty person, she has hurt Pat and upset him several times, so he refuses to see his dad if he has to see her as well.

So, all things considered, I will go with Pat to see his dad, probably Kim will come as well, we will have a little holiday while we are there, but Patrick will not see his dad at his home…it will be in a neutral place.

Well, I have had my little say about the subject and thats all for now.

Thanks for reading

Dianne

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Kimmi is back home

Hi fellow ASD parents

Yes, Kim, who is now 25yo, is back home. Her moving in to a house with an old family friend and her partner has only lasted 7 months. It is much better record than has been so far….it is usually about 3 to 4 months before she is back home again.

This time she brought her partner with her…

Well, it has been a very busy week and a half and they are sorted!!  1 caravan delivered into the backyard! All signed, paid for and organized…except for the bug spray….ooooohhhhh spiders *&^($%###@!!

Pat…..he is enjoying Tafe now…first day of 4 days a week. He has made friends and he is pleased to be able to go for a walk round town during lunch…meet up with friends….relax..He has so needed this instead of hating school and everything it stands for. Here’s hoping his enthusiasm and positive attitude lasts all year.

Me….I get the house to myself most days of the week, most of each day….to do as I please.

I have a few outings each week and fortnight to go to, so I keep busy.

This week, I get to cook in Jamie Oliver’s Ministry of Food Mobile Kitchen. This is the 4th week of a 5 week program. I am so enjoying it….will miss it when it is finished. Also, on Friday, I go on a bus trip to Melbourne to the Art Museum. That will be nice, I have never been there, except for when it first opened way back when I was still a teenager, (I think). Anyway, it will be a good trip.

So, now I am feeling a whole lot better with myself these days, I will be able to keep up my blogging.

It has been a very very hard road the last 3 years in particular. There was also a period of time of about 4 years about 2 years before this time….but, I am now looking ahead, I have support to help me keep my good spirits up, keep my mind active, my body active and my creative juices flowing….all helping me to be a helpful,, efficient, patient mother of ASDs….and now a BiPolar, two dogs and a cat as well.

Well, thanks for reading this updated issue of my blog.

Look forward to next time…..probably weekly

cheers for now

Dianne

 

Kim and Pat

Hi ASD Bloggers

I just have a few words to describe how things are at home here with Kim and Pat. This little excerpt is a little of what it is like living with my two ASD’s on any given day at any given time, several times daily.

Patrick went into the bathroom. Kim opened the door after he shut if to see what he was going into the bathroom for. (there is just shower and vanity basin). Kim then shut the door and laughed. Pat opened the door. Kim shut it. Pat opened it. Kim shut it. Pat opened it, laughing. Kim shut it, laughing. This went on about 20 repetitions more. Then Kim walked off laughing. Pat came out of the bathroom and shut the door, laughing.

That sort of thing happens in this house all the time. It doesn’t matter why it happened. It doesn’t matter if anyone was doing the wrong thing. It doesn’t matter why Pat went into the bathroom. It doesn’t matter why Kim kept opening it. It just happened.

It is a very happy household, all of the time. I have learned to just go on with what I am doing. I laugh and enjoy the FACT that they are getting on so well. I enjoy the FACT that they are laughing and happy. I enjoy the FACT that they are leaving me alone. I enjoy the FACT that they are not trying to kill each other, which is the other end of the spectrum. They either love each other and have fun or they hate each other and fight and/or try to kill each other.

Now, at this moment, they are in the living room, playing the music they like, loud, discussing who know’s what? She picks his pimples that are just asking to be picked and he rubs her feet when they hurt too much. Any other time, she would not touch anyone and he would not touch anyone. Go figure!! If I asked for a massage anywhere on my body for just one minute only, Kim would recoil in horror and Patrick would run and do his best to get out of having to do it. I very rarely get a massage. I bought a massage chair for that reason.

Patrick does however give me massages. That is only when he comes to hug me and he sees that I am not at my best, so he just gives my shoulders a tweak. A tweak of my shoulders to me is absolute full massage, releasing all my tension within seconds. A tweak to him is just digging his fingers and thumbs into my neck and shoulders and squeezing. He will do that a couple of times. He figures if he can get away with hurting me and I like it, it fulfills some need in him.

He is so strong and his hands are so big that just him tweaking my shoulders, his hands span from my spine out to the edge of my shoulders where my arms hang down. I really appreciate my son. He is a hugger and kisser. My little boy, who was always such a tiny little guy when young, has grown up from 12-year-old into a man-sized teen. He is only 14 and a half and yet his is bigger that both my ex-husbands. And, on top of that, Patrick loves me.

Ok, it has been an obsession with him all his life to hug me, kiss me and tell me he loves, a million times a day, and I had to hug him back, kiss him and tell him that I loved him too. Now, when he tells me this and hugs me, it will only be a few times a day, like breakfast time, when he is leaving for school, when he gets home from school and before he goes to bed. On weekends, there may be an extra one or two thrown in there as well. He still expects me to tell him that I love him too when he does this. It isn’t so much an obsession so much as it is a habit, I guess.

I don’t care, I get a good strong hug daily, I know my son loves me and all is good.

Kimberly, however. Kim doesn’t like touch. To touch anyone or anyone to touch her. She does have her special people that she likes to hug or give kisses to. None of them are me. She loves Colleen’s family. She gives Colleen hugs, she loves Max, 6, who is very much ADHD, and she gives him heaps of hugs and kisses. She gives Sophie, 8 a hug occasionally, but Sophie is an occasional hugger also. Jack, 14, keeps to himself and no one really hugs him or vice versa.  But Kim will still give Jack a hug in very special circumstances. She also has a few good friends that she hugs.

Not me. I’m used to it. When she is really scared and I come to her rescue, you can see she wants to hug me, but will only do it if I hug her first. Then, also, it is over just as soon as it happens. Kim has also hugged me when she has been quite ill, she has had pneumonia a few times and she hugged me when she was younger. But she has pneumonia quite often now, she is used to the way it feels and knows she will be fine in a few days and doesn’t need a hug from me. But that’s alright, I know she does love me. She doesn’t say she loves me, but she shows it in different things she does.

Like, making sure Patrick shows respect to me, and when he shows disrespect, she lets him know his wrong and makes him apologize. And in ways like just then, she came in with three of her favourite undies, showed them all to me and explained why she liked them. That is such an improvement. She is talking personal stuff to me. She even showed me personal stuff. Things like that, concrete my knowledge that she does love and respect me. Which also makes me feel like I have done the best for her. Maybe you will get to hear about those things one day.

So, there is a snippet of a day in my house. It is Saturday. That makes no distinction to any other day of the week being different. It’s just my observation.

Hope you enjoyed my story, or have a bit of insight as to what it is living with my family, or living with ASD.

Cheers

Dianne

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