A place for me to voice how I feel

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START AGAIN

Hi,

I need to start again. Since I have been alone, I have been so sad, so sick, so helpless. I have to get my life back in control.

I have been reading a blog which is motivating me….

https://organisedmessweb.wordpress.com/

Help Emma please…and you will be helping me…

Thanks

A whole new world

Hi there bloggers

I have been so busy being sick, overwhelmed with life and not a happy person at all the last few years, life got in the way of blogging.

I am here to say that I have started a new blog, same site and all…called Autiemum2

This new blog is about my life without my kids

Please read each day as I endeavour to start my life over as ME..

Thankyou for your valued reading of my blog.

Been a while

Hi there fellow bloggers.

I know it has been a while since I have been here, but I have been ill, and a lot of changes have occurred in my household.

I just wanted to pop in to let you all know I am alive still…and kickin’.

I will be updating with how things are and have been by popping in each week,so look forward to further interesting updates over the next few weeks.

Catch you all then

Dianne

Soccer

Today has been a great day weather wise. Today was also Patrick’s indoor soccer tournament. He plays in a team called ‘The Misfits’, a group of his big sister’s Kim’s friends, mainly lesbians. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to play at first, but since he has been playing, only 1 win and definitely losing today, 4 games, Patrick has learned a lot. He has learned commitment, team playing, responsibility and a lot about himself and his limitations and strengths. He has learned that when he is angry, he can save it up and channel it into playing soccer.

Today, I went to see him play his last game of the day. It was a good game, score of 11 to 4, The Misfits being 4.

The games were only 12 minutes per half, with a 6 minute break. It is a very fast moving game. Now that he is home, he is making a lot of noise taking the tape off his toes. He had them strapped up because he keeps hurting his toes. He may even have a break or fracture, but we may never know unless he doesn’t play for a week to allow the swelling to go down so as to get a clear x-ray of it. He won’t let me touch it or even look at it.

Well, that is all I have to say about the soccer, apart from the catching up with Amy’s dad and grand father. I have not seen the grandfather for 15 years and haven’t seen her dad for about 10 years. He had news of Patrick’s father, being quite ill with emphysema. I have wanted to take Pat to see his dad for a couple of years now, so now I feel an urgency for him. I am hoping Pat will keep contact with his dad so that he does get a chance to get to know him a little, before he dies and he has heavy feelings of regret.

The opportunities are all there for Pat to keep contact with his dad, but his dad is just as bad in keeping in contact, even worse, seeing as he is the adult. He has never accepted that Pat has autism and adhd…and he never tried to help Patrick in area’s he needed help. It is a sad situation, I feel for Mick, his dad, now that he is so sick, but all in all, I had to put Patrick’s safety and mental stability and life routine at the top of the caring for Patrick list.

Patrick did keep a little contact with his father up until a couple of years ago. Mick has never been good at keeping contact, so I would prompt Pat to text his dad and ask him to ring him, as the court orders stated. Pat still cannot understand why his dad wouldn’t just ring him when he felt like talking to him, and I guess its just one of those things that he will never learn. It was a long process of a couple of weeks prompting conversations leading onto the subject of his dad, guiding his thoughts in the direction of contacting his dad, and having a chat with him.

Pat also doesn’t really understand that the condition his dad has makes it difficult for him to talk. When Mick has in the past rang Pat, he has broken down and cried and the conversation was just ended because Pat couldn’t understand what his dad was saying, and that’s a no-no in Pats book. It also upset Pat that his father just blubbered instead of having something decent to say.

I can understand Mick’s blubbering, knowing him, but it is so hard to help Patrick to understand that he feels emotional because he did throw a life with his only son away, because of a stupid whim. I know he is so sorry for making it difficult for us to stay together as a family, he will have a lot of regrets and I am glad he knows it, before he does die. I don’t want him to be suffering the way he is, of course, but with some people it takes something very drastic, like this, for them to realize the mistakes they have made. So now he knows his mistake with Patrick, he is unable to do anything much about it because of his drastic health situation.

So, I will continue to save money the best I can on my very limited income, find some cheap as chips airfares and try to get Patrick up to Queensland to see his dad before he passes. I have been trying to do that for a couple of years now. Patrick will not go up there on his own, and he shouldn’t have to. I wouldn’t allow him to go on his own. Pat is not confident enough to do a trip that long. He has traveled on the train to Melbourne from Bendigo, and returned, but he had someone leave him and see him off at the station in Bendigo, then he was met in Melbourne, so he didn’t have to travel on suburban trains alone. The return trip was the same, accompanied at all times except on the Melbourne to Bendigo trip. He kept himself busy with his music and games. He only started catching the train to Melbourne to stay with his sister once he had started growing and was confident enough that he was big enough to defend himself if someone picked on him on the train.

All in all, he has grown up to be a strong, tall lad, with charm and wit and ability to defend himself, although he has not had this tried out…hopefully he doesn’t have to.

Where traveling to Queensland is concerned, it is a long long way, he is not confident flying and he does not travel well on buses. Traveling on a trip consisting of 3 states, several stations, changing trains, buses, etc would be too much for Pat to deal with, without stressing about getting the wrong train or bus, his anxiety would have him bashed and dead before the first leg of the trip was half over. The biggest insecurity he has about going to see his dad is that he refuses to go wherever his dad’s wife is. She is a nasty person, she has hurt Pat and upset him several times, so he refuses to see his dad if he has to see her as well.

So, all things considered, I will go with Pat to see his dad, probably Kim will come as well, we will have a little holiday while we are there, but Patrick will not see his dad at his home…it will be in a neutral place.

Well, I have had my little say about the subject and thats all for now.

Thanks for reading

Dianne

Kimmi is back home

Hi fellow ASD parents

Yes, Kim, who is now 25yo, is back home. Her moving in to a house with an old family friend and her partner has only lasted 7 months. It is much better record than has been so far….it is usually about 3 to 4 months before she is back home again.

This time she brought her partner with her…

Well, it has been a very busy week and a half and they are sorted!!  1 caravan delivered into the backyard! All signed, paid for and organized…except for the bug spray….ooooohhhhh spiders *&^($%###@!!

Pat…..he is enjoying Tafe now…first day of 4 days a week. He has made friends and he is pleased to be able to go for a walk round town during lunch…meet up with friends….relax..He has so needed this instead of hating school and everything it stands for. Here’s hoping his enthusiasm and positive attitude lasts all year.

Me….I get the house to myself most days of the week, most of each day….to do as I please.

I have a few outings each week and fortnight to go to, so I keep busy.

This week, I get to cook in Jamie Oliver’s Ministry of Food Mobile Kitchen. This is the 4th week of a 5 week program. I am so enjoying it….will miss it when it is finished. Also, on Friday, I go on a bus trip to Melbourne to the Art Museum. That will be nice, I have never been there, except for when it first opened way back when I was still a teenager, (I think). Anyway, it will be a good trip.

So, now I am feeling a whole lot better with myself these days, I will be able to keep up my blogging.

It has been a very very hard road the last 3 years in particular. There was also a period of time of about 4 years about 2 years before this time….but, I am now looking ahead, I have support to help me keep my good spirits up, keep my mind active, my body active and my creative juices flowing….all helping me to be a helpful,, efficient, patient mother of ASDs….and now a BiPolar, two dogs and a cat as well.

Well, thanks for reading this updated issue of my blog.

Look forward to next time…..probably weekly

cheers for now

Dianne

 

Im still here

Hello fellow bloggers,

I know it has been a long long time since I was here last….life overtook my blogging.

Through depression, illness and general life….I am here again. My life has had many changes over the last year and I have taken all this time to adapt to those changes.

My son, Pat, is now 15 1/2 and doesn’t need me any more….well, mostly doesn’t need me. I am always here for him and he does pop in occasionally…lol. He starts at TAFE next week, as school just didn’t work for him at all….it has been a terrible terrible year.

Pat has grown up so much….physically and emotionally. He is so tall. He has muscles and body hair and his voice changed deeper, and I hardly recognize his voice on the phone…I have to stop and think…”oh yeh, he’s grown up now” . He cleans his own room…..once a month…and I need to leave the house so he can play HIS music, loud, and he does his own washing and all….it’s fine with me! 🙂

Some days, when things get too much for me…the house suffers, so Pat says, “Ok mum, go see Nanny and I will clean the kitchen up” and when I come home, the rubbish is out, the dishes are done and the floor is clean and washed…he does love using the steam mop…lol.

I have had to make a lot of changes, especially mentally. I do not have the same concerns I did a couple of months ago when he was never doing the right thing at school….to the extent that the last 7 weeks of school were spent at home. Better for the school apparently. It suited me at the time too, because I was not too well and didn’t have to get up too early to get him off to school.

So, over the last couple of months, I have started a new hobby….Beading. Yes, I have been making jewellery, taking classes to make beaded jewellery and I have made enough jewellery to have a market stall. That, after two tries, was a dismal failure, but I am now trying a different market, and it should work out a lot better. Also, I am concentrating my jewellery making on my beaded creations, not just a piece of chain with a pendant on the bottom of it. Those pendants I have made, I am working at re-making them by adding a bit of sparkle to them…..I will post some pics when I have some to post…lol.

All in all, my extreme stress situation with Autism and ADHD is much less now. Finally. There are still bad days, but they are not one after the other all the time….just one here and there. I am more able now to wake up each day and say to myself… “whats on for today? Oh, yes, I have that appointment and I can do some craft until then, or after then” , I don’t wake up and say ” well, I wonder how Pat is today, what I have to change that I had planned, or what is going to be disrupted or deleted today? Will I achieve something I like to do today? I hope I have the strength to get through today.”

It is really good.

Well, on that note, I shall leave for the time being. I shall be back soon.

Keep up the good work you do as a parent of someone with Autism 🙂

Cheers, Di

 

 

A lot has happened

The first step in blogging is not writing them but reading them.  Jeff Jarvis

Hi fellow bloggers

I saw this today and thought yes, I need to do this, so I have just read my blogs. Interesting, funny and brings it all home about life.

Today, though, my blogging is about me. I have had a minor breakdown. I just couldn’t cope anymore. Carer’s Support Service in Bendigo have been so helpful. They sent me to a lovely little B&B about 45 mins drive away from home for two nights. It was lovely. I never ate so much good food in such a short space of time. I went for little drives around the district and did some sight-seeing and window shopping. I did a little stitching and most importantly, I did it all alone. That was what I needed. To be alone, to do as I pleased, when I pleased. I watched TV, the shows I wanted to watch. I had control of the remote. I had the TV on, the computer on and no one complaining that I was doing two things at once.

I got up when I wanted to, even though breakfast was brought at a normal breakfast time. I ate, woke up, then went back to bed, because I could. I turned the TV around so I could watch it from bed…a huge king size bed. I sat outside on the patio to have a cuppa and look at the view, listen to the birds and just notice the odd bit of traffic noise. Very quiet.

While I was sight-seeing, I picked up a few little niceties along the way. I visited a Lavender Farm, enjoyed the lovely quiet farm-like peace, took some pictures and bought a bunch of lavender. When I got back to the B&B, I broke the bunch up into smaller portions. I gave one to mum, she loves lavender and I made a little sachet to put in my journal, along with a few brochures of where I had visited. I saw beautiful Begonias in bloom. I saw lots of national park-lands. I visited mineral springs where you can bottle up natural spring water for free, just bring your own bottles. I walked around gardens, and looked in interesting shops. Mostly I enjoyed the driving and the freedom to do as I pleased.

When I came back to Bendigo, I had been invited to a Carer’s Forum, which meant nice surroundings, free morning tea and lunch. I had an enjoyable time. I shared about my breakdown a little, and my time away and how it affected me. I shared my thoughts on what supports for us as carer’s we needed to have available to us. I got to know some other people in caring positions as well as others who were being case managed and they gave their thoughts and feelings about the service they receive. All in all it was good. I shared my experiences with Carer’s Support Service for the last 4 years, how their assistance in helping me start journalling had broadened into my internet interests and blogging, being much the same as journalling. The organization thanked me for giving them some bright new ideas on how to assist us carers more.

I also got to meet some of the team who look after Case Management Services. I have been referred to them for our current situation, being me breaking down and not coping with life in general because of my caring responsibilities.

When I got home, I was expecting a clean house because Kim said that her and Pat cleaned up all day Monday, when I first left to go away. I was so proud of them for doing that. But, when I got home, it was much the same. It was then that I realized that my job as carer of my two charges was just that….caring for everything they can’t. Even though there were obvious signs of them having cleaned up, it was back to the usual mess. I also realized that yes this house is way, way too small for us as a family. I cannot ask Kim to leave again, it is her home too. But, we cannot live in this tiny house.

The lounge room had been cleaned, vacuumed, tidied up, but they had 2 whole days of use for it to be filled again with cups, bottles of drink, empty plates with cutlery, packaging from chocolate, ice-cream, kfc, etc. The kitchen had most of the dishes washed and put away, but where did they put them? I couldn’t find them where they belonged, except for the cutlery and utensils. The kitchen table was full of dirty dishes, and cooking pots and dishes. They had a couple of friends stay overnight, and that was fine, so the divan was down for sleeping on, alcohol boxes on the kitchen table and shopping bags all over the floor.

So, now I know. They do make a lot of mess, and I am always cleaning up after them. I am always busy, on my feet, doing things for them, because as much as they are capable of doing it all, they just don’t. No matter how much I ask them and tell them to help, they only do it on their terms. Their terms do not help me. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate it when they do clean up, or pick up after themselves, but it is not consistent enough to help me stay out of my depression.

Kim and Pat are such funny people. They make me laugh. We have fun. But, bottom line, I cannot cope because I am so tired. I want to be just like them, no responsibilities, no worries, just live each day as it comes. Hakuna Matata!

Well, time has come to take responsibility seriously. I need to get dressed and take my meds and clean up yesterdays mess. Oh well

Dianne

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