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Archive for the ‘ASD’ Category

Autism in my family

Hi Fellow Auti people

I have had a bit of a rough trot lately… I have reached the end of my coping abilities…my patience is lost, my anger is noticeable, my frustration is at a level so high I think I have high blood pressure. I am doubting myself, my parenting, my capabilities, my intelligence, my mind.

Kim, 25, has moved back home, she is in a caravan in the backyard with her partner. She also came home with 2 cats. Guess where they live….in the house with me. Guess how much I pick up after THE FAMILY.

Patrick is now nearly 16 and he is huge…in height, popular and is hardly ever home. He goes to TAFE now, to become a mechanic,  much better than the failed public school system for him. He smokes….grrrrr. He doesnt come home…..grrrr. He doesnt really get into trouble, thank goodness. He did when he first started at TAFE, but he has settled down now and is doing the right thing there…he wants a trade, he wants a job…but….his attitude stinks.. He rings me and asks if he can go somewhere or stay overnight with a mate….and when I say no and why, perfectly reasonable of course, he refuses to come home anyway….so privileges are few and between. I am so over teen boy….size, noise, thumping through the house, temper, door slamming, swearing, resistance, abuse, smell, laziness, procrastination, more teen boys and more of all the above, disrespect, no food, no money, backyard full of car parts, dirty hand marks high up on the walls, and much much more.

I am so over….: cats, cat hair, cat in my face, cat on my lap, cat under my feet every time I move, cat crying, cat food, cat shit, cat diarrhea, cat furniture, cat food tins on the kitchen floor, broken vases, chewed phone cords, chewed computer cords, chewed artificial flower arrangements….cats; dishes…in the living room, in the bedrooms, in the front yard, in the backyard, in the sink, on the sink, piled up on the benches, unwashed, not in the cupboards, not clean, on the floor, on the benches, on the furniture, broken,  missing…dishes; smoking paraphernalia…: cigarette butts outside the back door, front door, in the yard everywhere, front and back, empty packs inside, outside, (I dont allow smokers in my home), tobacco pouches, tobacco dregs, filters, papers, lighters, no matches in my emergency stash, smell in the house, smokers….;

I get a cleaner in each fortnight, to help keep up with the floor mopping and bathroom cleaning, etc, that I cant keep up with myself, my arthritis and depression is a struggle. I work flat out for at least 2 hours before the cleaning lady comes to make the house clean and safe for the cleaner to work in…how ironic…so I am sick of having to hurt myself to do that. It sets my physical being back two days after the cleaner coming….no one helps me. Cleaning up the cat mess is NOT my responsibility, BUT, I have to make sure there are no poops anywhere for the cleaners health and safety; I am not the only person who cooks and uses dishes in the family, BUT, I am the only regular dish washer in the house; I dont leave dishes anywhere but on the sink, BUT, I am always picking dishes up from all over the house and yard; I take care of my belongings, BUT, no one else does. Everything in my house is dirty, untidy, trashed, cluttered, over run with animals.

I have my own pet, my little maltese x shih tzu, Brandy. He doesnt get my lap anymore, he has to fight for it. He doesnt settle. He has to wait to get his feed until the cats are out. He has to sleep on my bed, in my room, to get peace. He is always unsettled, getting up everytime he hears a cat move, someone else in the house. He is my little companion, but I feel so alone, so unsettled, so impatient with him often.

I am so alone and so depressed….Autism Sucks

Catch you next time

Dianne

 

Kim and Pat

Hi ASD Bloggers

I just have a few words to describe how things are at home here with Kim and Pat. This little excerpt is a little of what it is like living with my two ASD’s on any given day at any given time, several times daily.

Patrick went into the bathroom. Kim opened the door after he shut if to see what he was going into the bathroom for. (there is just shower and vanity basin). Kim then shut the door and laughed. Pat opened the door. Kim shut it. Pat opened it. Kim shut it. Pat opened it, laughing. Kim shut it, laughing. This went on about 20 repetitions more. Then Kim walked off laughing. Pat came out of the bathroom and shut the door, laughing.

That sort of thing happens in this house all the time. It doesn’t matter why it happened. It doesn’t matter if anyone was doing the wrong thing. It doesn’t matter why Pat went into the bathroom. It doesn’t matter why Kim kept opening it. It just happened.

It is a very happy household, all of the time. I have learned to just go on with what I am doing. I laugh and enjoy the FACT that they are getting on so well. I enjoy the FACT that they are laughing and happy. I enjoy the FACT that they are leaving me alone. I enjoy the FACT that they are not trying to kill each other, which is the other end of the spectrum. They either love each other and have fun or they hate each other and fight and/or try to kill each other.

Now, at this moment, they are in the living room, playing the music they like, loud, discussing who know’s what? She picks his pimples that are just asking to be picked and he rubs her feet when they hurt too much. Any other time, she would not touch anyone and he would not touch anyone. Go figure!! If I asked for a massage anywhere on my body for just one minute only, Kim would recoil in horror and Patrick would run and do his best to get out of having to do it. I very rarely get a massage. I bought a massage chair for that reason.

Patrick does however give me massages. That is only when he comes to hug me and he sees that I am not at my best, so he just gives my shoulders a tweak. A tweak of my shoulders to me is absolute full massage, releasing all my tension within seconds. A tweak to him is just digging his fingers and thumbs into my neck and shoulders and squeezing. He will do that a couple of times. He figures if he can get away with hurting me and I like it, it fulfills some need in him.

He is so strong and his hands are so big that just him tweaking my shoulders, his hands span from my spine out to the edge of my shoulders where my arms hang down. I really appreciate my son. He is a hugger and kisser. My little boy, who was always such a tiny little guy when young, has grown up from 12-year-old into a man-sized teen. He is only 14 and a half and yet his is bigger that both my ex-husbands. And, on top of that, Patrick loves me.

Ok, it has been an obsession with him all his life to hug me, kiss me and tell me he loves, a million times a day, and I had to hug him back, kiss him and tell him that I loved him too. Now, when he tells me this and hugs me, it will only be a few times a day, like breakfast time, when he is leaving for school, when he gets home from school and before he goes to bed. On weekends, there may be an extra one or two thrown in there as well. He still expects me to tell him that I love him too when he does this. It isn’t so much an obsession so much as it is a habit, I guess.

I don’t care, I get a good strong hug daily, I know my son loves me and all is good.

Kimberly, however. Kim doesn’t like touch. To touch anyone or anyone to touch her. She does have her special people that she likes to hug or give kisses to. None of them are me. She loves Colleen’s family. She gives Colleen hugs, she loves Max, 6, who is very much ADHD, and she gives him heaps of hugs and kisses. She gives Sophie, 8 a hug occasionally, but Sophie is an occasional hugger also. Jack, 14, keeps to himself and no one really hugs him or vice versa.  But Kim will still give Jack a hug in very special circumstances. She also has a few good friends that she hugs.

Not me. I’m used to it. When she is really scared and I come to her rescue, you can see she wants to hug me, but will only do it if I hug her first. Then, also, it is over just as soon as it happens. Kim has also hugged me when she has been quite ill, she has had pneumonia a few times and she hugged me when she was younger. But she has pneumonia quite often now, she is used to the way it feels and knows she will be fine in a few days and doesn’t need a hug from me. But that’s alright, I know she does love me. She doesn’t say she loves me, but she shows it in different things she does.

Like, making sure Patrick shows respect to me, and when he shows disrespect, she lets him know his wrong and makes him apologize. And in ways like just then, she came in with three of her favourite undies, showed them all to me and explained why she liked them. That is such an improvement. She is talking personal stuff to me. She even showed me personal stuff. Things like that, concrete my knowledge that she does love and respect me. Which also makes me feel like I have done the best for her. Maybe you will get to hear about those things one day.

So, there is a snippet of a day in my house. It is Saturday. That makes no distinction to any other day of the week being different. It’s just my observation.

Hope you enjoyed my story, or have a bit of insight as to what it is living with my family, or living with ASD.

Cheers

Dianne

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