A place for me to voice how I feel

School Holidays

Hi,

The school holidays are nearly over. Strangely, I have enjoyed these holidays. I’m not quite sure why. Maybe the fact that Patrick went to stay with Meghann for over 2 weeks! Mmmmm, could have been because I got to catch up sleep, start some projects, like my other blog, and I totally cleaned my house and got a start on organizing the house the way I would like to! Mmmmm, could have been any of that too. This time I also got to start healing. Im not quite sure what I healed, but there is definitely healing happening. It could be because Im now on the right dose of medications and my head is feeling much better even if my body isnt. MMmmmm, it could be all of those things put together, because there are more things happening with me. I am menopausal….everything you know of menopause, yes, Im there. I am still learning what is menopause and what isnt. Aparrently, my coping with Patrick this school holidays is due to the wisdom I have acquired over the last 27 years of parenting alone. (well, alone, all apart from 5 1/2 years with my two ex-husbands, one for 11 months and the other 4 1/2 years).

It hasnt been easy though. Patrick has been in trouble with the police…a 5 year good behaviour is a result of that little innocent trespass charge in the middle of the night. His anger towards me before that incident has been quite scary and his bullying me was out of control. Hence, the reason why he was out in the middle of the night looking a housing estates being built with torches, figuring out what the rooms were before walls were sealed. ( it was easy figuring out bathrooms, toilets and kitchen and laundry rooms).

Now, Pat is grounded, his attitude is a lot better, not only towards me, but also towards life. I dont know how long this will last, but while its here, Im going with the flow and getting as much out of it and him as I can. He is accepting his punishments: no sleepovers for the rest of the year (although it will probably be a 1-6month ban); no personal use of his new iPod Touch (he helps me get the apps and things so I can use it until I say he can have it); no internet (except when he is helping me to download the apps for the iPod Touch and his Facebook on his mobile phone); and he has to help me every day with chores—feed the dogs, tidy the loungeroom weekly, vacuum each week, rubbish and recycle bins out to big bins daily and big bins out for pick up each week and fortnight; hang out washing with and for me; washing his own clothes each Friday and getting them dry and in ready to wear on Monday; curfew every holiday day at 8pm, he needs to ask me to go anywhere and if I say no he has to accept it and to do anything I ask of him where I need help.

So far, Pat has been very good with his chores. He sometimes has a few times when he doesnt want to do anything, but he is limited with what he can do, so he usually buckles in and does what he has been asked to do, or is expected of him. It is very hard to stop Patrick from spending time with his friends. Being that one of his biggest problems in life is social skills, getting friends and keeping them, I find it difficult to take spending time with friends away from him. He is appreciating the fact that I havent stopped that for the time being. He has only missed the time curfew once and was appropriately disciplined. He does keep asking ” What do I have to do to get rid of the grounding?” What can I say? Nothing for at least the first month. I will make him wait until the end of February before I will allow him to get one grounding taken off. He has to learn, he has to understand the importance of doing the wrong thing and the consequences of it. So daily, I have to struggle with my soft emotions and tell myself, he has to see this month out. He cannot have the iPod, or internet, or a later curfew on weekends, or sleepovers occurring again. The chores he has to get used to, they will not stop at all.

He also has to be good at school. If he has any problem arising at school because of  truancy or bad behaviour, he gets a week added to all the current groundings. I have told him of this, but he is not really cognizant of the reality of it yet because he is not back at school. Monday, it will start to make sense to him, because he is not allowed to go to other people’s houses. He can have his mates over here, but during school weeks, he is not allowed to go to his mates places. He does not get to have mates over until his chores have been done, even if he misses out on something great that he will be too late for because he has his chores to do first. And, on top of that, if I have any problems at home with him, I go to the school and let his teachers know that he is not to play his music while doing his work at school, he is to have headphones only for keeping noises out to concentrate on his work.

So, apart from all of that, my holiday time was good. I was able to start sewing again, I have been keeping the house clean, except for the odd very down day after very bad sleepless nights. Last Monday was payday, Patrick decided he was going to help me by cleaning the house. The only thing was, I had to find something to do for the day because he can only cope with housecleaning when he has his brand of music playing loudly and he just gets stuck into it. So I trusted him and went to get groceries, brought them home, he had started.

Then I went to Spotlight for a couple of hours and bought plenty of offcuts for next to nothing and a bit of new bits and pieces and some heavily discounted beads. I got a lot of ideas and made some plans for my next visit to get fabrics. Then I dropped into an OP Shop and found some more fabrics, all for my present quilting project.

Then I was hungry…so I went to Marketplace shopping centre and sat down with a nice cold drink and fish sticks. I looked around the shopping centre and bought 2 buckets and a pack of 3 school books for Pat for the grand total of $1.96. I had to laugh. It was definitely a bargain shop day today. By this time of the afternoon, I was tiring fast. My knees were in need of painkillers and the thought of home was looking good. So I rang Pat, for the third time for the day, he said he was not quite done, still had a load of washing on and one to hang out, could I wait a bit longer please. What was I going to do?

I went to Trent’s curtain shop. More freebies on the way. Luckily Trent was there, so there was no awkward questions or making plans to come back when he was there. It was “Hello, I bet I know what you are after” lol. Yep, straight out the back into the section where discontinued samples and lengths are stored, waiting to do something with them. I picked out a few luxurious looking ones with long lengths on them….mmmm great for big bags and comfy cushions and I also got a roll of fabric offcuts, big enough to make a few nice big modern style big handbags in a great shiny woven fabric, black on back…mmmm, luxurious. Gold in colour, line it with black and dress it up with a tiny bit of trim, mmm I know I will be happy using it and Im sure Colleen would love one. Left overs would be made into a little bag for Sophie and one for Amber, my nearly 7yo granddaughter. Yep, couple of plans made up with my freebie score at Trent’s curtain shop.

By that time, I was bushed, it was definitely time to go home. I walked into the lounge room and it was perfect, not a piece of fluff on the floor, every item of furniture in its proper place and blinds up, letting the light in and even cushions displayed neatly on the couch. I moved on into the kitchen and wow! The floor was shiny and clean, the dishes were all clean, mostly put away, all my sewing gear in the kitchen was on the table, neatly, the kitchen cupboards were re-organized and the fridge had been cleaned out and re-organized and the clothesline was full of his washing and towels and he had a pile of clean washing on his bed ready to fold and put away. He even cleaned the animal bowls.

I was so impressed, I gave him a big hug, kiss and thankyou.

So school starts on Monday. I cant wait only because every day Patrick says at least a dozen times, I wish I could go to school today. He has been saying this for at least two weeks. I try to find things for him to do to keep him busy, but it is not quite what he wants. I have plans to get onto my health issues once Pat is back in school. I have 6 hours a day to take care of my health issues, my chores, my sewing, my pets, my house decor, my sanity and my computer play. Then when Pat comes home, I can deal with his bad day issues, his behaviour issues, he tantrums, his groundings, his chores, his hygiene, his cuddles and his humour and my reading and blogging at bedtime.

Yes, life is starting to look up for me, for us. Please dont let me think on negatives like bills, car and stuff like that.

I will talk again soon

Dianne

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